Tag Archives: Breastfeeding

Thoughtful Thursday: Nursing in Public

We are giving a new blog feature a try.  Here is our first “Thoughtful Thursday”: Reflections on things that have worked for our family

breastfeedingcafecarnivalWelcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is breastfeeding in public. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 22nd through August 4th!

Thanks to the efforts of groups like the Breastfeeding Café, more mothers who breastfeed know it is okay to feed their hungry babies wherever and whenever they are.  I have been the beneficiary of all the groundwork laid by groups that are hard at work to normalize breastfeeding.

Here are the tips that helped me gain confidence as a breastfeeding mother who fed her baby outside of the home, as well as some that I have seen our Bradley Method® students use successfully:

  • Attend a La Leche League or other support group meeting so you can see what nursing looks like.  You will see people nursing lots of different ways, and maybe you will see a style of nursing that looks like it will work for you.  There are nursing covers, nursing shawls, nursing ponchos, nursing wear that lifts up, tank tops with easy access, the list goes on.  You will see mamas ditching it all and simply lifting their breast out of their shirt and offering it to their nursling…seeing it in action may help you decide what you want to try first.
  • Go out with your partner or a friend the first few times you nurse in public.  Especially as a new mom, it’s very stressful to have your baby crying, feeling like you can’t move fast enough, and you are all slippery-fingered from sweat and “flusteration” (flustered and frustrated at the same time!).  Your support person can help you get organized while providing moral and physical support, reminding you that you are not alone.
  • Find out where other nursing moms go because they have found them to be baby/breastfeeding friendly.  Your local mamas will know who has a nice lounge in the women’s room (Nordstrom’s near us has one), or where to go where there are changing tables and comfy chairs (i.e., IKEA family restrooms have a room separate from the commode, Babies R’Us nursing rooms).  Check in with the mamas at the support group and they can probably rattle off a list of shops, restaurants and other businesses that you can go without feeling intimidated.
  • Travel as a pack with your mama tribe.  One MotherBaby pair is easy to pick on.  Two women will give someone who is thinking of saying something pause.  Three or more MotherBabys in a group and I am guessing you will be left alone, especially if one or more of you are nursing your baby as needed.  You also have a trusted companion to keep an eye on you (nothing showing that you don’t want showing as you NIP) or your baby (maybe you need to use the ladies’ room) as needed.
  • Know your rights as a breastfeeding mama under the law (click HERE for a state by state look).  Forty-five states* in the US have laws on the books that protect your right to breastfeed wherever you are lawfully present.  Some states take it even further and put fines in place so that anyone who harasses a breastfeeding MotherBaby is held accountable.  If you are approached, kindly inform the messenger that you and your baby are lawfully present as you are.  Would they like to be reassigned to a different section (i.e., if you are at a restaurant), or would the complaining party like to be relocated?
Do you have a business card to hand someone who questions your right to breastfeed? If not, contact me and I will send you one.

There is no such thing as “lawfully breastfeeding”. The question is, “Does this state protect my right to breastfeed with law(s)?”

When I look at what is most important about this topic is for mamas, I believe it is to be liberated from nursing in their car or the public bathroom just so that they don’t offend anyone.  Especially new mamas who are already worried enough about what they are and aren’t doing right…a basic necessity like meeting hunger needs should be easy and carefree for them.  As a society, we need to grow up and just let them nurse already, without having it become a major news story!

Closing thought:
You do not need permission to breastfeed somewhere.  It is a human right for a MotherBaby to feed and receive nourishment in accordance with Nature’s design.

What is your tip that has helped you with breastfeeding more confidently in public?

* Idaho, Michigan, South Dakota, Virginia have protection from indecency laws, but there is nothing that specifically allows a mother’s right to breastfeed at any public or private location.  West Virginia has nothing on the books in regards to nursing in public.

 

Here are more post by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Tandem Nursing…Extended

breastfeedingcafecarnivalWelcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is about breastfeeding multiple children. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 22nd through August 4th!

I got pregnant with our third child much sooner than we expected, and because I was having contractions every time we breastfed, my doctor recommended that I stop breastfeeding.  She told me that my body was responding appropriately to the oxytocin that is produced every time I nursed, and that my body could spontaneously abort the pregnancy if I didn’t stop.

I was heartbroken because of all our children, our second child really needed the benefits of extended breastfeeding.  He has had food allergies since birth, and on top of that, he had an episode of RSV as an infant that left him with symptoms of asthma.  He definitely could have used the extra immunity and nutrition of toddler feeding.  However, since we had already had one miscarriage, I knew I would regret another one.   We weaned within a week of deciding to preserve the pregnancy.

After our third child was born, I began the process to become a childbirth educator.  As part of my training, I had to attend two La Leche League meetings.  At one of the meetings, I met a mom who was in her third trimester and still nursing her toddler.  After the initial shock and heartbreak, I pulled myself together and started asking her questions.  Did she have contractions when she nursed?  Was it uncomfortable?  What had her doctor said?  I learned that nursing through the pregnancy had been possible for her, so that was one sliver of hope that maybe I wouldn’t have to do an emergency weaning if I got pregnant again.

As a childbirth educator, I also got more involved with our local birth community.  Thanks to the different events around birth and breastfeeding, I kept running into a mama who nursed through her pregnancies and was nursing a toddler as well as her infant!  Not just one nursling, but two at a time!!  Wow!  This really opened my eyes to the possibility of nursing past the second birthday.  Here was living proof that tandem nursing was not just for twins.  Tandem nursing could also apply to siblings of different ages.

Empowered by these examples, I was determined to at least try to nurse through a pregnancy.  I was hoping I would get to be a tandem-nursing mama, however a safe pregnancy was first and foremost in my mind.  My original goal was to allow our child and I to determine the end of our breastfeeding relationship together. From the anecdotal stories I had heard about pregnancy and breastfeeding, I figured one of two things would happen.  Either our third child would stop nursing if and when the milk changed flavor after the pregnancy was established, or that he would lose interest once the milk dried up or changed to colostrum.

We got pregnant again when our third was 18 months old.  Just as before, I would start feeling contractions when he nursed.  Instead of worrying this time, I reminded myself that I knew two women who had nursed through pregnancies.  I held onto the idea that if they could do it, so could I.  When I felt contractions as I nursed, I started doing self-talk with my body and our baby.  I would repeat this mantra:  “Everything is okay.  Baby, you are safe.  These contractions are making milk.  Stay safe inside. I love you.” It know it might sound a little crazy, and am in no way suggesting that this will work for everyone.   However, it did work for me. I was grateful the relaxation and the calm frame of mind let me accomplish our goal.

Well, much to my surprise, I neared the end of my pregnancy and I still had a nursling.  Now he was two years old.  I could see that I had colostrum – and I could smell that it was salty.  I asked our child, “Are you sure you still want to nurse,” to which he emphatically shook his head, “yes,” and continued on.

Besides the mama examples, I credit my success in tandem nursing to the support from my local La Leche League chapter.  One of the leaders had nursed an infant and a toddler and she told me what to expect.  She also told me how to handle inquiries about the amount of nutrients for each child.  Here is what I learned:

  1. Once my milk came in, it was going to be like sweet cream for my toddler and to expect a new surge of interest.
  2. Set firm expectations with our toddler – when we would be breastfeeding, and how was that time going to work: feed the children together, feed them independently, would there be specific places that would be our nursing locations?  Once I set those parameters, try to stick to them since consistency works well with toddlers.
  3. Feed the baby first – she suggested making that a non-negotiable.  She also suggested to get my partner’s buy-in on that.  With both of us reminding our toddler that the baby nursed first, and my partner helping him wait patiently, we could be sure that the baby was going to get the nourishment she needed and that her needs were met before we traded the kiddos.
  4. I read and sent these two resources to a family member, who was very concerned about tandem nursing and the baby getting enough of the milk that she needed.  It came up in almost every conversation as the due date approached.  HERE is an article from the La Leche League website (they have since added THIS collection of links to their site), and HERE is another great link list from the trusted KellyMom page.

By educating myself on the possibility of nursing through a pregnancy, and preparing myself for tandem breastfeeding, I was able to accomplish my goal…I was allowing our child to determine his weaning schedule.  I was honoring his need to breastfeed, and I was not feeling any remorse about the choices I made.  We welcomed a healthy daughter in October of 2011, and I have been breastfeeding both children since then.

Yes, both.  As it turns out, I did more than accomplish my goal of simply nursing through a pregnancy.  I did get to be a tandem-nursing mama, and for a lot longer than I expected.  He is going to turn four tomorrow.  I can now say I am an extended breastfeeding mama.

I stopped nursing in public with our toddler as my pregnancy progressed.  I found it very hard to get comfortable as my belly grew, besides the fact I had two other children to keep track of.  Other than making the decision to nurse at home, I didn’t think anything of nursing a two-year old.

Then his third birthday came and went.  He was only nursing in the morning or at night, sometimes for a nap.  I started to wonder what house guests would think, and at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.  The relationship has still been beneficial to both of us.

He is one of our healthiest children – any cold he does get passes quickly and without incidence.  Last winter, his younger sister went on a nursing strike.  With his help, I was able to keep my supply up between his nursing and some hand expression.  He got a nasty stomach bug this spring – while it lasted 24-48 hours in the rest of us, he and his little sister only had it for a few hours.  Recently, he caught a cough that was going around.  As an experiment, I increased his breastfeeding – it seemed to help!

It has been a quandary.  While it has been great to increase the amount he nurses under beneficial circumstances, in the back of my mind I worry about sending him the wrong message.  While I treasure being a source of nourishment and antibodies, I feel like it is important for him to start finding other coping mechanisms as he turns four.  While I can never replace the health benefits of nursing, I have to trust that he has a well-developed immune system that can cope well enough without breastmilk.

In the last two weeks, I have definitely started to see a decrease in his interest to nurse.  Part of it has been the message my husband and I have been relaying to him.  We remind him he is going to be four, and we wanted him to start finding other ways to self-soothe when he was tired or upset.  We agreed that it was important to expand his repertoire of coping techniques.  I also think part of it is the natural weaning – although he still asks, he nurses for literally 60 seconds, and then he is off and running in a different direction.

I am finally going public with our extended breastfeeding story because it may help another mama look at her choices with more confidence, or maybe even consider extended nursing as a possibility.  I want other mamas to know they are not alone if they want to breastfeed through a pregnancy.  I want to lend courage to another mama who may feel pressure to wean a toddler although she and her nursling might not be ready.  My favorite idea that has guided me through this extended breastfeeding relationship is from our La Leche League group: Breastfeeding is a dance.  Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.

My extension to that thought:  You continue the dance as long as it is mutually beneficial.  When one of you is ready to stop dancing, you honor each other with a mutually peaceful and loving transition.

Wishing you breastfeeding mamas a beautiful dance with your nurslings!  Enjoy the dance in the moment.  When the music ends and it’s time to clear the floor, I hope you leave the floor with happy memories.  Go forward with the knowledge that you and your child will continue to be a great team as you move onto the next chapter of your relationship.

 

 

 
Here are more post by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Child Spacing: Pregnancy #2 & Beyond

 

Before my son, T, was born I wanted four or five children. I loved pregnancy and couldn’t wait to experience it again and again. Giving birth was a little bit harder; post partum recovery was a doozy and taking care of a newborn, oh. my. goodness. I swore off having any more babies’ f o r e v e r.

About a year later, amidst tons of dirty diapers, still waking at all hours of the night, and breastfeeding on demand, I began to see sets of siblings running around.  Lo and behold, my empty uterus began to ache. I figured I was elbows deep in the full-time, always-on mom mode and I might as well have two babies! The first year is the hardest, it really does go by quick, having them close in age will be difficult but rewarding and let’s just doooo iiiitttt! 🙂 After stopping to think about it more though there really is a lot of additional things to consider. I figured I would share the different factors we looked at and what we found.

Fertility: During months 3, 4, and 5 post partum it seemed my cycle was trying to return, it never quite made it though and since then there have been no indications at all that my body is ovulating, I am now 16 months post partum, 26 months since my last menses! For some women fertility during breastfeeding is not an issue, but for many it is. I also don’t know how comfortable I am getting pregnant on the very first or even second or third cycles post baby – in my mind my body is still getting used to and figuring out my new hormone levels and for me personally I think I would like a few “trial” runs before the real deal, to me it seems that this would lead to more optimal conditions and a greater chance of a successful, healthy pregnancy. In order to “try” for another child I would have to take measures of increasing my fertility, either with herbs, acupuncture, yoga, meditation, etc. to guide my body to do something it isn’t entirely ready to do on it’s own. Often times the body needs help in certain areas of functionality and I am definitely ok with that, but not sure it is the right time to enlist this help just yet. Another way to help increase fertility would be to cut back on nursing, which leads right in to my next topic of consideration…

Breastfeeding/Weaning: Most of what I have read says fertility increases in women enough to stimulate ovulation when babies/children are no longer nursing at night and if not then, more than likely when nursing is down to 2-4 times a day or there is a four hour period between nursing sessions. My son nurses constantly, we night weaned for a bit but now are back to night nursing and mostly nursing on demand during the day as well. He uses nursing as a huge comfort tool and often just “checks in” with me for a few quick sucks and then is back doing whatever he was concentrating on previously. We had a brief encounter at 14 months with sudden weaning when I wished to stop nursing altogether, but now at 16 months I am hoping for child led or natural weaning. Which, let’s be real, probably won’t be until at least two and I would be willing to bet actually much longer. After talking with my husband, paying attention to T’s desires, habits, and needs, and self-reflecting we, personally, are not comfortable weaning our first baby in order to conceive a second baby.

With that being said though, I am really not keen on nursing through pregnancy or tandem nursing. Pregnancy took a lot from me, pregnancy #2 will be even more physically demanding due to caring for and chasing after a toddler. I know myself and do not want to start resenting my nursing toddler while I am tired, hormonal, and not in my usual state of mind. I also know that those first weeks and months of caring for a newborn are extremely hard for me physically and emotionally and I believe we will all have the best shot at surviving as harmoniously as possible if only the new baby is nursing. So do we allow T to entirely self wean and then start ‘trying’ for a sibling? They could be 4, 5, 6 years apart on that path. At this point I feel like I am definitely over thinking things, so what do the facts say? What actually happens in the most natural of settings? For this I look to research of primal/rural cultures…

Natural Child Spacing & Rural Populations: Most rural populations practice ecological breastfeeding, very similar to what my son & I do. This practice is said to delay the return of menses until 14.6 months on average, with most women conceiving again between 18 & 30 months post partum.When studying rural women in Rwanda who do not use contraception it was found that 75% of mothers conceived between 24 & 29 months post partum. Studies conducted among Kung¡ women show they naturally conceive again around 35 months post partum. There is also evidence that waiting to conceive until at least 18 to 23 months from your last pregnancy produces better outcomes for baby. There are also various studies that show that as the time between pregnancies goes down, the risk for Autism in subsequent babies goes up.

The Powers of Nature: After reviewing the facts and pondering the many unanswered questions I still had regarding what we should actually do, it was my husband that brought me back down to earth, as he so often does in these types of situations. He explained that we try our hardest to align our lives with how humans once lived. We try to connect with our inner “natural” needs, desires, and treat our bodies as close as we can to the ways in which they thrived for tens of thousands of years prior to more ‘civilized’ conditions. If we trust in our bodies abilities to heal, grow, change, and adapt on it’s own we can trust that they will create children as close or as far apart as is best for all of us. If T is still nursing enough that my body is unable to conceive than neither T nor myself are ready for another baby. When he is nursing an amount small enough for fertility to return than his need is decreasing and he is closer to weaning and closer to being ready for a sibling. Although there can still be many outstanding questions (some I have thrown out above) we believe in the power of nature to guide us through life, birth, death, and conception, family planning, child spacing is no different.

I know that, “letting whatever happens happen” is not a profound conclusion or advice, but I think if there is anything that becoming a parent has taught me it is that there is a large element of control that you have no choice but to give up. For us, it makes sense that this also applies to baby #2. I know not everyone is in the same situation or even has the same factors as us to consider but as of now we are just happy to enjoy our son and meet his needs as best as we can. As day-to-day life changes, we will reflect and readjust accordingly.

What about you, are you thinking about baby number 2 or 3 or more? Did you plan or influence your child spacing? How? I would love to hear your stories and/or input!

Hello, SPB families!!

A day in the life of a family of six…have you ever wondered how all the moving parts work?

Cassandra, our guest blogger, was so excited to hear that we were going to expand our platform because she is a new mama of just over a year.  She remembers being a first-time mama in the social media internet age, devouring all the information related to pregnancy and birth.  Everything else was just a distraction to her.  So here we are, with more information for you when you are ready to explore life beyond the Birth-Day.

We are two working-from-home parents with four children.  As of today, our children are 8, 5, 3 and 1 year(s) old.  I homeschool, teach Bradley Method® classes, blog and offer 24/7 support to our Bradley™ families.  Bruss works at his asset management company from a home office and co-teaches almost every Bradley Method® class with me.  We are definitely co-parents in our family’s journey.

For future reference…here are the names I use out on the internet for our children: Puma (8), Night Owl (5), Charger (3), and Otter (1).  In real life, their initials form the acronym BABY…a happy coincidence since babies and their births are turning out to be a passion of mine.

We credit a lot of the choices we have made as parents to our time as students of The Bradley Method®.  We took the classes with our first two children.  We learned about how to have a healthy, low-risk pregnancy.  We learned strategies to have an epidural-free natural labor.  We learned about breastfeeding and how it is an extension of seeking out the natural processes.  We also heard about co-sleeping, babywearing, and circumcision.  The information that was shared by our teachers opened our eyes to choices we hadn’t really considered yet – we were so focused on the birth of our baby.

After we had our first child, we wanted to keep following our instincts.  It didn’t make sense to put her in the bedroom down the hall when all we wanted to do was hold her and marvel at this miracle of life that we had worked so hard to bring into the world.  Although the thought of co-sleeping creeped us out when we first heard about it in class, once she was born, there was no other way.  Thus the start of our family bed.

I struggled to breastfeed Puma, so much so that I made Bruss take all the formula samples out of the house.  Now I have learned that “No pain, no gain” does not apply to breastfeeding.  I have also evolved from thinking I was only ever going to breastfeed a child until they were a year old.  Puma and I were not ready to stop nursing when she hit her first birthday.  That breastfeeding relationship continued until she self-weaned at 22 months.  I am currently nursing Charger and Otter.  There will definitely by some posts dedicated to extended breastfeeding as time allows.

I knew that I wanted Puma to be a whole, emotionally intact adult, so I chose to operate from a place of love, not domination.  I wanted to honor and respect her as a human being, even if she did not have words yet and she did not look like an adult.  Attachment parenting and babywearing have been our choices to reach that goal.  These days, I strive to remember her as a tiny infant who just wants to be loved: now she is a very independent 8-year old who gives me attitude and pushes my “crazy” button just because she thinks it’s funny.

We did not really address circumcision until our second pregnancy.  Since we had a girl first, we figured the odds were that we better do better homework this time.  Although it’s common in the US, we do not have any religious or cultural beliefs that teach circumcision as a precondition to belong to the community.  I was not crazy about cutting a child a few days after they were born, but i also figured since I was not the father who was going to be different, that choice should be up to Bruss.  We decided to have him watch a circumcision video on nocirc.org.  He didn’t even last 10 seconds.  So there we are – it was not a choice for our family.  The more I learn about it, the more grateful I am for our choice.  I won’t write any more about that because there are enough impassioned voices out there…and I have the belief that our boys private parts are just that – private.  If they want to blog about it when they are older, that is up to them.

As parents, we continue to use the communication skills we learned in class.  We make every effort to honor each other when we speak to each other and our children.  We have also used the informed consent questions when our children have had hospital stays.  If it fits as the site evolves, we may share those experiences with you, too.

Here are some of the things she and I will be writing about in future posts:

  • Breastfeeding toddlers
  • Potty training
  • Elimination communication
  • The family bed
  • Babywearing
  • Gentle parenting
  • Homeschooling
  • Home gardening
  • Organic living
  • Siblings
  • Family dynamics

We invite you to share other ideas with us.  What do you wonder about when you think about growing your family?