Tag Archives: Peaceful Parenting

Monday Musings: Back to the Breath

Oh, my volume was higher over the last couple of days again…got a confirmation last night that I need to keep doing my deep breathing and using humor when it’s my moon time!!

So here is my affirmation for today, perfectly timed for this week.  I am so glad to report that the affirmations thus far have really helped me be a more peaceful mama.

I have remembered more often to breathe before speaking.  Puma wanted her hair curled for a party last night.  We got through her hair styling without major drama (she has one teeny spot she can’t reach with her brush, and she doesn’t want help, and there is always a dreadlock there!)  It turned out so well – she looked every bit the fairy and won a prize for her costume!

Charger and I have been negotiating the weaning process.  He is a little lost right now – and he has been acting out.  Most times, I have remembered to use humor – he really has a great laugh!  I also tried to be empathetic and show him love when he was not acting very lovable.

Night Owl and I are working on breathing together.  He is the most impulsive of our children for now, and so when I see him escalating, I ask him to take a deep breath with me.  It was so amazing to see him take a couple of deep breaths without prompting last week.  In addition, there have been a couple of times that he may have retaliated had he not been acting intentionally; I have seen him remain calm and make kinder choices.  What proud mama moments those are!  I praised him and thanked him for his kind choices; it was so neat to feel him glow with pride.

I would love to hear if any of these affirmations have helped you, or if you have read some affirmations from other sources that have helped you.  If you have a minute, please leave us a comment and share your thoughts – thank you!

Parenting Affirmation

I really need this reminder this week as our schedule gets more added into as the weeks go by.  Our summer sojourn is over…now we are full speed ahead with a homeschooling schedule, field trips, meetings and events that promote The Bradley Method…and add in the preparation and support for the two classes of wonderful families we are honored to work with this Fall session…I will be soft and gentle.  I have to be in order to facilitate the trust and respect I want to have with my children.

That day I would rather forget

We spend our summer months in a small town in the Rim Country of Arizona.  Going up there, I have a lot of help with packing and with the kiddos – “many hands make light work”.  It is fun – we are all looking forward to the cool pines, the summer house, the time in the green surroundings and the afternoon rains.  The energy rides high and moving is a dream.

We arrive – we unpack – life is amazing.  As a parent, I have less pressure.  We do a summer schedule for school, so there is more time for writing during the day and more sleep.  There are no alarm clocks.  Instead of appointments and classes every day we do one thing a two days a week: horseback riding.  More time in the beauty of creation and watching our children enjoy something and working together.  Once a month, we go to Lego club.  Farmer’s Market on Saturdays where we run into friends from town and “lowlanders” that summer like us.

It is an amazing gift for our family.

Summer is over and now we are gearing up for life back in our hometown.  Hello, moving day.

Wednesday I felt the complete opposite of “idyllic”.  I was feeling perfection pressure because we have friends coming up to use the house this weekend.  I wanted the drawers perfect and the cabinets perfect and the beds perfect.  Because perfect is.  I was feeling time pressure because I overslept. I had planned to spend “perfecting” before the kiddos woke up.  That was gone because I woke up late, and besides, I wanted to get down here in time to have our nanny help us unpack.  As if that wasn’t enough on my plate, I was rushing to make it back in time for our afternoon appointments at 3:00 pm and 4:00 pm.  I was feeling parenting pressure – could I really have them watch television all morning while I packed?  Why are my children using their hands hurtfully today?  Why isn’t this “gentle parenting” thing working on the day when I need it the most??

I kept it all inside for about four hours.  And then I Y.E.L.L.E.D.  The top-of-my-lungs why are you people driving me crazy yell.  I hate myself.  I wonder how yelling can be any different than hitting when it is that kind of yelling.

So I own it.  I tell them I am sorry.  I can’t ask for forgiveness yet…I have to earn that.  I ask them if that was the Crazy Mommy.  I ask if we can all make different choices.  Then I ask if I can yell in a fun way because I still feel like I need to yell.  So I start saying everything with a funnier yell.  I blow off some steam.  We all start laughing and have a great lunch together.

BlogSPF diner

Sweet Pea Kids (AZ) and I had one more meal at our favorite diner. Daddy s too big to sit at the counter – they were thrilled to eat there that day and did pretty well with the “spin-ny stoos”.

I still feel a pit in my stomach.  I Y.E.L.L.E.D. at these beautiful little people entrusted to my care.  I scared them.  I wounded them a little and lost their trust – how much, time will tell.  I hate myself.  I hate that part of me that yells.  I can’t be proud of the fact that I don’t spank them because yelling is not any better.

I forgot one very important thing that day: If I was feeling pressure as an adult, how could I forget that these little people are also feeling?  I talk about newborns adjusting to life outside of the womb to our students.  How could I forget about my own children?  Yes, they are talking.  However, they don’t tell me, “Mommy, I feel…can you help me?” because as parents we do not model that.  (Note to self: start talking/ processing out loud some more.)

Looking back, their behavior was absolutely understandable.  One of our children is devastated because we have our house for sale.  As much as we love our summer home and our summer town, we are pragmatic.  It can’t be reasonable to keep up two households for three months of use per year – an 8-year old can’t possibly “get” that – all she knows is that she is hurt and angry about the decision because she will miss her summer friends.  Another child can’t understand that his favorite things are coming with him and he keeps unpacking them, and can’t understand why I am still putting them back in their place to make the move.  Our youngest just wants to nurse because she can feel turmoil (and as it turns out, I just saw a new tooth yesterday).

I forgot them.  I didn’t listen to the words they weren’t saying.  So as much as I would rather forget that Wednesday happened, I can’t.  I have to remember.  I have to do better next time.  I owe it to them.

Has anyone else been there?  How do you handle it?  How do you do better for next time?

Exploring Attachment Parenting

Great news!!  There is a new support group in the Phoenix, Arizona area for parents who want to learn more about and practice Attachment Parenting.

I had the pleasure of attending the first meeting yesterday.  It was so great to be in a room with 6 other families who are seeking to nurture their families the AP way.  Dr. Sears is credited for coining the term “Attachment Parenting” and with bringing awareness to it in his book, The Attachment Parenting Book.  Here is his explanation of what it is from his website, www.askdrsears.com:

Attachment parenting is a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents.  Attachment parenting implies first opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby, and eventually you will develop the wisdom on how to make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both you and your baby.

A close attachment after birth and beyond allows the natural, biological attachment-promoting behaviors of the infant and the intuitive, biological, caregiving qualities of the mother to come together. Both members of this biological pair get off to the right start at a time when the infant is most needy and the mother is most ready to nurture. Bonding is a series of steps in your lifelong growing together with your child.
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting

Amanda Santana is the facilitator for the Phoenix group.  She is certified through Attachment Parenting International.  Her goal is to start a support group to educate and empower other parents, and to find people who are interested in becoming certified so that there can be co-leaders in place to start more groups throughout the Phoenix area.

The topic of yesterday’s meeting was, “What is Attachment Parenting?”  The next few meetings will be devoted to exploring each of the eight principles of AP in more depth.  The group will also talk about how to incorporate them into your family life if you think that the principle will work for you.

One of the takeaways from yesterday’s meeting:
4 P’s to help you identify child(ren)’s needs

  • Proximity – babywearing and co-sleeping for maximum comfort children 
  • Protection – practicing safe sleeping and babywearing
  • Predictability – responding to baby’s cues as they are demonstrating their needs
  • Play – provide a safe environment for discovery, and as the child grows, facilitating interactions that empower and teach children about peaceful social interaction

The other take-away from yesterday that I want to share with you:
The Eight Principles are guidelines.
Amanda emphasized that Attachment Parenting provides guidelines.  The Eight Principles are not Hard and Fast Rules.  They are ideas that have worked for other families to facilitate peaceful parenting.  Your attendance does not mean that you have to accept all eight principles.  A family does not have to practice or own any of the principles that do not “fit”, they just have to honor that other families may choose differently.

Amanda also stated that while the goal was to work through the eight principles in the next few meetings, she is open to being flexible.  The support group addresses topics as they arise as per the needs of the group.  If she is a cluster of getting emails along the same topics, she will bring them up to the group for discussion so that meetings are useful and relevant to those they are attending.

The group will be meeting on the third Thursday of every month at 10:00 am.  It is held at the Moxie Midwifery office, 5505 W Chandler Blvd Ste #5, Chandler, AZ 85226.  For any questions about Attachment Parenting or the Phoenix support group, you can reach Amanda via email at AZNB.Amanda@gmail.com

HERE are some questions to discuss with your partner whether you are expecting, living with a newborn, or rethinking your parenting style with older children.  We worked through these to help clarify what our goals were for our family.  As it turns out, a lot of what Attachment Parenting believes are choices that fit for our clan of six.  Even if these answers don’t lead you down the path to attachment parenting, having some clarity about your goals as a family may be helpful in guiding you to the choices that are right for your family.

What do you think – have you explored Attachment Parenting?  Has it worked for you? Please leave us a comment – it will be moderated and posted.

More about Attachment Parenting:
From Dr. Sears

From Attachment Parenting International:

Disclaimer:
The material included on this site is for informational purposes only.
It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult her or his healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation.  Krystyna and Bruss Bowman, Bowman House, LLC and Cassandra Okamoto accept no liability for the content of this site, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided.