Making More Space for Peaceful Mama

It is good to know that all of us regular, real mamas struggle with the similar things. If you have read some of my previous posts about parenting, you know that I am constantly striving to find more space for Peaceful Mama and less opportunity for Crazy Mama to come crashing into our day.

I have learned a breathing technique through the Birthing From Within classes that I am mentoring that has helped me keep Peaceful Mama around, even when we are in the throes of a temper tantrum and my biggest trigger is happening: I HATE it when our children hit me. Talk about a “donkey on the edge” moment – nothing has me seeing red faster than that.

(Side note: we do not spank our children, nor do we allow them to watch violent movies/shows/videos. I chalk this behavior up to a lack of words. I have seen our older two outgrow it, so for now, I have the same belief with that our younger two will outgrow this phase/behavior as well. It is usually an expression of frustration, anger, tiredness; or sometimes it is a result of something they ate: too much sugar or a food dye that slipped in somewhere.)

The coping mindset is called Non-Focused Awareness. It invites the person to observe what is going on around them without judgement – it’s simply calling out the stimuli and naming it.  Here is an explanation from eHow:


When I apply this theory to the screaming Sweet Pea in front of me, I replace the word “pain” with the word “anger” .  Instead of creating more space for anger, I can keep that “pie piece” of anger pretty small by taking stock of what else is happening in the interaction in front of me.

I don’t use all the stimuli the instructor talks about in the video. In my “donkey on the edge” moment I ask myself what I am seeing, hearing, touching…without holding on to any of these thoughts. Then I check in with my breath – am I making a deliberate outward breath?

So it goes something like this:

What am I seeing? “Sweet Pea”

What am I hearing? screaming

What am I touching? hand hitting me

BREATH: where is my outward breath?

Running through these questions in my head, and then simply tracking the observations, slows me down so that I don’t react by yelling. For me, this is finally the little nugget that can keep Peaceful Mama around when Crazy Mama is jumping at the opportunity to find her way into our day.

I have noticed that taking the time to say our child’s name in my head reminds me that this is a little human that I love, not a screaming minion that doesn’t love me because it is hitting me.

Now it’s your turn…start by noticing what you are seeing – hearing – touching – BREATH as you sit here, reading this post.  If you have your phone next to you, set a timer.  Before you start, remind yourself to suspend judgment – just call it as you see it – hear it – touch it.  Then breathe!

Take one minute to give it a try, and then practice it as many times as you need throughout the day to get a good feel for this coping mindset.  Suppose you use this the next time you are in your frantic moment, that edge between keeping it together and losing control, might you add a new trick to keep your Peaceful Mama around? It is certainly working for me – wishing you all the best!

If you would like me to lead you through a practice on Google+ or Skype – email me!! We’ll set up a time and date to meet online and I would be happy to share this practice with you.  My email: sweetpeafamilies{at}gmail{dot}com

Wishing you a Peaceful Mama day!!