Monthly Archives: May 2014

Tuesday Tips: Sibling Preparation

 

This article is a part of the Carnival of Natural Mothering hosted by GrowingSlowerEvery Breath I TakeI Thought I Knew MamaAfrican Babies Don’t Cry, and Adventures of Captain Destructo. This month’s topic is Siblings. Be sure to check out all of the participants’ posts through the links at the bottom of this page.

Prompt:  Siblings
There is no relationship quite like the sibling relationship! Tell us how you prepared your family for the addition of a new baby. We’d love to hear how you foster a strong bond between your kids. Or, maybe you’d like to write about lessons learned from your own sibling relationships. Let’s talk about ways we can foster love and connection between our children this month.

Sibling preparation…this is a topic that has been coming up a lot lately…very exciting times for our students and our homebirth community!!  Thoughtful families wonder how they can best ease the transition as they add siblings.

BLOG ww spf outandabout.8Here is our brood enjoying counter-time at a local diner.

We are by no means experts.  What I have listed below are the things that have worked for our family.  Please feel free to add your suggestions and advice in the comments!

PREGNANCY

1.) We made a family birth plan using words and pictures

2.) We did family relaxation practice and labor rehearsals to help them prepare for labor and birth…

  • we talked about what a “working face” looks like – tension/pain vs. relaxation face
  • we talked about blood – ouchy blood from a cut vs. labor blood that means mommy’s body is working

3.) Point out other children who were big brothers and sister and talked about the kinds of things they were doing and the baby who was “just sleeping” or “just sitting”

4.) Depending on interval between children:
Have siblings help clean/set out the newborn items.
Use it as an opportunity to share

    • how they were so little once
    • how neat they are at their current age (point out all the things they have learned since then)
    • boundaries and expectations for their interaction with the newborn (you can hug and kiss baby while mommy is holding baby; if you want to, you can hold baby if I help you; you can help pick out clothing, diapering, bathtime, etc.)

BIRTH

1.) With caregivers during labor: Children had a box especially set aside of new things to play with: play-dough, coloring books and crayons, books, a little toy car or miniature dolls, disposable camera

2.) Homebirth – give the children the opportunity to participate as little or as much as they wanted to.  They could come in where we were laboring, they could walk with us, eat with me, nap – or not.

3.) First visit/immediately after:
Giving a gift to the older sibling(s) from the newborn (Note: This worked especially well for our oldest who’s love language is giving gifts)

PREGNANCY+POSTPARTUM

1.) We did lots of reading/picture books that explored pregnancy and  new babies/siblings

2.) Toddlers tend to be egocentric – make it work in your favor.
You are big!  You can _____ , not the baby, (s)he is too little. (spoken in a sing-song voice for emphasis.)
– eat (their favorite food)
– run
– play
– go (special trip)
– mention things they can do by themselves

3.) Reminding them that the baby was not going to be fun like them until they were older – they would have to let the baby sleep, nurse, and grow before they were ready to play.  I phrase this in relation to a season or the siblings age.

The baby will be able to respond to you/play ___ with you
– in the (season)
– when you are (age)
– after you turn (age)

4.) Use whichever phrasing resonates with your child.  We would set the expectation for 6-9 months for responding; after the 1 year birthday for actually playing things like ball, climbing, hide and seek, etc.

5.) It will look like a lot of work/It is a lot of work for mommy because the baby is going to need lots of help/sleep/breastfeeding instead of being a big helper like you;

Children of any age:

Big Helpers
Letting the children help with newborn in age appropriate ways – picking out clothing, doing diapers with assistance, bringing mommy snacks or water.  The key here was only if they wanted to help – we never wanted them to feel like they existed to be our “go-fers”

What can they do independently?
Point out those things and let them do them.  Recognize their initiative whenever they make an attempt to do something for themselves, even if you have to help them re-do it or clean up a mess – hard to do when you are tired from caring from a newborn, I know.
What centers around them?

Favorites
Do they have a favorite book/story/food/activity? Choose them! Often!

Field trips
Is there someone you trust that you they can special dates with? (other parent, grandparents, aunts/uncles)  Arrange anything from free picnic+park dates to things that cost $$, give them independent time, and as a bonus – you get alone time with your newborn!  The key again is to build them up as the big kids that are old enough to go do special things – not the baby – they’re too little.

“Let’s let the baby sleep so that we can play together.  I want to play with you!”
This reinforces the idea that the baby needs to sleep so that the older child doesn’t pinch, kiss, hug, whatever to get the crying reaction that they find so curious!  In addition, if they can be patient and quiet, the big reward is getting you all to themselves!

“I have something to tell you, so scoot over here and come closer to me.”
Changing the tone – whisper to them so that they have to be quiet to hear you.

Family bath time with mommy, baby, siblings in the tub and Daddy supervising and drying off kiddos as they came out of the tub

Sensory play
– water
– sand
– beans
– rice
– make a bin with different textures and colors
Sensory bins are a great way to engage them in exploration and busy-ness without having to do a lot on your part (other than set it up!).  You and the baby can sit with the older siblings and watch and interact while the older siblings entertain themselves with pouring, feeling, and learning.

Going out for a walk or a drive together
Fresh air and sunshine are good for everyone!

FILL THEIR CUP

I will close with this idea from Charlotte Mason, a 19th century British educator whose works have come to light again as parents search for alternatives to cookie-cutter education

Every day, children need something to love, something to do, something to think about.

If you believe that this is a valid philosophy, then think of the ways that you can fill those needs as parents.  I feel that if we are meeting their needs, then one presumes that their cup is full and they are less likely to act out in search of attention “just because”.

What worked to ease the transition to more siblings in your family?

Read more about Sibling Preparation on our Sweet Pea Births blog

Monday Musings: Midwives

Today is International Day of the Midwife – wishing all these amazing birthworkers a very blessed day!

Our midwives made a huge difference in the way we labored and birthed Otter – HERE is Part 1 of her birth story and HERE is Part 2 – it’s long so I split it up.  (I was impressed I was able to compress 3 days into two blog posts – lol.)

As we fought for homebirth rights again this legislative session in Arizona, one thing became crystal clear for me.  We cannot change our abysmal birth outcomes until we change the paradigms around birth in our country.

Doctors putting down midwives…hospital midwives touting their credentials and college degrees…homebirth midwives asking to be recognized for their skill set and knowledge that has been handed down through the ages.

And I mean that literally: there is no way the human species would have survived if these women didn’t know a thing or two about birth.  How many species have we seen become extinct in our lifetime?  It happens! If birth was as dangerous and mysterious and frightening as the scare-tactic practitioners would have you believe, we would have been gone AGES ago.

While there are fabulous and atrocious providers in all three categories of pregnancy care providers, it is time we demand better.  I would be thrilled if by the time our children are having children, midwives are caring for the majority of the population that is low-risk with the “watchful waiting” model of midwifery care. And, obstetricians are still in practice to care for the high-risk pregnancies that truly need a different skill set and level of care.  It is possible to rewrite our birth paradigm and have everyone (well, almost everyone!) respect each other and get along.

There is no doubt that modern medicine has improved outcomes for women with true complications of pregnancy and childbirth – here are a few cases where we can definitely be grateful: Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, NICU care that allows preemies to survive and thrive, cesarean births for mothers with transverse babies, placenta abruptia, placenta accreta – these are all situations where modern medicine has had a positive impact.

However, we have to ask ourselves – how have we gotten to the point where almost 33% of all births end with surgery? Why have we dropped (AGAIN!) in maternal mortality rates – we are now ranked 50 in the world.  Why are we ranked at 56th in the world for infant mortality rate?? Something is seriously and desperately wrong with maternity care.  Birth is not a pathogen; it’s not an illness that needs to be managed and controlled.

I ask families to research the possibility of midwifery care.  HERE is a look at a recent study that demonstrated that midwifery-led care dramatically improved outcomes.

From the Midwives Alliance of North American (MANA) website, here are some of the benefits you might expect from midwifery care:

    • monitoring the physical, psychological and social well-being of the mother throughout the childbearing cycle
    • providing the mother with individualized education, counseling, and prenatal care, continuous hands-on assistance during labor and delivery, and postpartum support
    • minimizing technological interventions and
    • identifying and referring women who require obstetrical attention.

Also from MANA:

What women love is that there is more to maternity care with a midwife than checking blood pressure, fundal height, weight and urine checks.

  • You will see a familiar face at each of your appointments, and you will be given adequate time to ask questions and address your concerns.
  • Your midwife is a specialist in pregnancy, birth and postpartum care who has designed a complete program of care to nurture healthy pregnancy, joyful birth and confident parenting.
  • You will receive individualized, culturally appropriate, family-centered full-scope prenatal services, and continuous care and support during labor and birth.
  • Your midwife will incorporate shared decision-making into your care so that you will feel informed and empowered to make good health decisions for you, your infant and your family.
  • Your midwife has the skills and knowledge to facilitate healthy normal childbirth, to assure comfort and safety for you and your baby, and to accommodate your family’s needs.
  • You midwife has a plan for collaboration with obstetricians, pediatricians, and other specialists in the rare case where medical care for mother or your baby is needed.
  • You will receive nurturing postpartum care and support in your home and the midwife’s office in the weeks and months after birth as you adjust to your new baby and the changes in your family.

Source: http://www.mana.org/about-midwives/midwifery-model

Midwives have long served the underprivileged and the marginalized by society. Making them available in community health care centers would address the needs of the communities ravaged by the disparity in health care based on the ability to pay for care.  I am ashamed to read that the difference in birth outcomes would be drastically improved along color lines – we are living in 2014!! This should not even be a discussion about racial barriers and access to care, but it is. IT IS.

Not all families are comfortable with the idea of homebirth.  Those families who want to birth in a hospital setting have the options of midwifery care from hospital-based Certified Nurse-Midwives.  They have the training to use medical interventions plus they are taught about birth as a normal function of the female body, not a pathogen that needs to be managed and controlled as dictated by the obstetrical model of care.  Our experience as we hear our student’s birth stories is that they tend to use them judiciously within the “watchful waiting” model of midwifery care.

The bottom line is this: families are seeking respectful, personalized, humanized care in droves. Midwives and the midwifery model of care are definitely staying and growing in the USA.  It’s time to rewrite our birth paradigm and find ways for all care providers to forge new pathways to mutual respect and understanding so that mothers and babies have a chance for a future.

Essential Oil Basics for the Home & Family

Essential Oils are a huge part of how we keep ourselves and our home happy, healthy and clean. I have dreams of one day having an entire medicine cabinet completely stocked and organized with tons of essential oils and oil blends for every specific complaint and ailment but the reality is that quality oils are pricey and only a handful really will cover almost all of the bases.

essential oil photo

Now that my family has been routinely been using essential oils for over two years and has gotten into a groove of using a specific number of oils for almost all of our needs I thought I would share what that looks like.

There are numerous producers of essential oils on the market, and many high quality companies. I personally use and love doTERRA, although I have heard good things about Mountain Rose Herb’s oils & Young Living Essential Oils.

We currently purchase: Tea Tree, Lavender, Peppermint, Lemon, Clove, On Guard Blend, Citrus Bliss Blend, and occasionally Eucalyptus. Below are all of the ways I use these 8 essential oils in our daily life for health and wellness.

Hand Sanitizer: 2 oz amber glass bottle with spray top filled 3/4 way with witchhazel, squirt of aloe vera gel, 5-10 drops tea tree oil, 5 drops On Guard oil

All Purpose Cleaning Solution: 1 large glass spray bottle filled 3/4 with warm water, 1/4 vinegar, 20 drops Citrus Bliss Blend & 10 drops Tea Tree Oil (optional, sometimes we add sometimes not). We use this to clean counters, clean carpet, clean floors, spills on the mattress, just about any/all surfaces. I have used many different applicable essential oils for our cleaner (tea tree + lavender, on guard, on guard + tea tree) and we enjoy the way Citrus Bliss smells the most. I do not mind the vinegar smell but some of the essential oils mixed with vinegar can smell like ketchup or just funky,, especially when used on the carpet, fabrics, etc.

Home Diffusing: We have an Aroma Ace Diffuser and for overall immune boosting I like to diffuse On Guard Blend in various rooms of our house or Lemon during the spring/summer so the whole house smells fresh & clean! Citrus Bliss is also yummy smelling to diffuse, especially when having guests over, etc.

Drinking Water: I add 2-3 drops of Lemon Oil to my water in my glass Life Factory water bottle to drink throughout the day, yum.

Stainless Steel Cleaner: When we used to have stainless steel appliances I would clean them with water & lemon oil – worked like a charm! You can also use a cotton ball with a little water and 1 drop of lemon oil to clean an IPhone or computer screen.

Facial Toner/Pimples: We use Tea Tree Oil as a facial toner after washing sometimes and to spot treat pimples anywhere on the body

Eczema: My son had a really bad patch of eczema on the crease and beyond of his hand, I mixed some organic, unrefined olive oil with 3 drops of tea tree oil and applied with a Q-tip 2x a day, it completely cleared up over the course of a couple weeks, you could never even tell where it was now.

Teething Oil: In another 2 oz glass bottle I combined 2 tablespoons melted coconut oil, 2 drops peppermint oil, 2 drops clove oil, and 10 drops grapefruit seed extract (optional).

Headaches: Rub peppermint oil and lavender oil on temples & back of neck

Fever: Mix a little coconut oil with a couple drops of peppermint oil and lavender oil and apply to bottom of feet and back of neck.

Baths: Add lavender oil to baths to relax, for mama and baby!

Sunburn (or any burn): Mix 1/2 vinegar & 1/2 water in 2 oz spray bottle with 5 drops lavender oil and 5 drops tea tree oil and spray all over burned area.

Toothache: Add 2-3 drops clove oil to melted coconut oil and swish/spit. Apply a small amount directly to tooth afterwards, reapply throughout the day.

Toothpaste: We make our own toothpaste using melted coconut oil, baking soda, and 3 drops of peppermint oil

Stuffy Nose: Boil a pot of water on the stove with 5-10 drops tea tree oil, stand over pot breathing in the steam. We usually do not have Eucalyptus oil on hand but during some recurring colds I had while pregnant I purchased some and did this with a blend of tea tree & eucalyptus oils.

Chest Rub during cold/flu: Coconut oil with Tea Tree and/or Eucalyptus oils. We use on the bottom of our feet as well.

Laundry: I like to add 2 drops of peppermint oil or 2 drops of lemon oil to our wash load. My husband will also spray shirts or pants that need “fluffing” with a combo of water & peppermint or water & lavender and then throw into the dryer.

Immunity Boost: Whenever we need an overall immunity boost (upcoming travel, one of us or people around us are sick, etc.) I spray door handles, countertops, tables, the car with On Guard as well as apply to our feet and backs of our necks.

Colds/Sore Throat: Hot water, Apple Cider Vinegar, Lemon oil & honey

There are so many different oils and so many ways to use them but the above is what I find us doing on a regular and often daily basis. When we first became interested in using them we purchased this book to have on hand as a fast reference, it has been very helpful in many different situations! I am also thinking of purchasing this one next to have for my little one as he grows.

We purchase all of our doTerra oils through our lovely friend, Kelly, at Haute Boheme Essential Oils . She is very active online and via their Facebook Page for questions, concerns, just to chat, anything 🙂

There is nothing like the relaxed feeling I have knowing there are no chemicals in our house for cleaning, fragrance, laundry, body care, especially now that there is a very curious, active toddler among us. We are very grateful to have discovered essential oils and their endless uses that have seriously enriched our lives!

Do you mamas use essential oils for your little ones? What about for your family or home?